Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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