Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
