I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
