you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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