wanna go halves on a baby?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
