ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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