my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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