his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
