Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
