halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
