You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
