I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
