they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
