im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
