You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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