someone get that fucking seahorse.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
