Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
