just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
