Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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