you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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