the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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