Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
