She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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