the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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