no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
