A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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