it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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