Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
