So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
