Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
