Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
