He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
