Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
