I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
