i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If I die, sorry about rent.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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