Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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