the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
