My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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