Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
