and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
