she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
