I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
