An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
