Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
