well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
