dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my being single is dangerous.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
