So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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