Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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