There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
