We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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